by Valerie D’Ambrosio
What if the way to progress and to empower others is to trust in the flow, and just let go?
There were so many succulent aspects of the most recent Breakthrough To Power and Freedom workshop. I felt so blessed and affirmed that each participant was so ready, hungry, and present.
One piece that I feel utterly compelled to share is around something that could be defined as compassionate detachment.
Compassionate detachment can be defined as the manner in which we relate to others when we allow them to deal with their own problems,and therefore they are free to choose to become responsible for their own issues. Simultaneously, we express a loving concern for their current predicament, though, we are not invested in the outcome (this definition is the compilation of numerous definitions of the expression found on the web via Gabriella Kortsch, PH.D)
This action, or non-action, if you will, is fueled with the intention of trusting that the person is capable of moving through what is occurring in their lives and that they can empower themselves through that process. It is an opportunity to offer them support, love, and a soft place to land as they navigate through catabolic emotions, reminding them that this is their journey and there is nothing that we can fix or change on their behalf.
I think about it in the metaphor of a child who is learning to walk, or a teenager doing something on their own for the first time. As a parent, you want so badly to grab their hand, wipe their tears, take away their fear and pain. However, in doing so, they will never learn to do the things on their own of which they are capable. In constantly showing up as the rescuer, yes, it may satiate a part of you that feels like you have done a ‘job well done, this can also lend to situations where you are frequently this archetype in your life, and in turn, draw many people to you who ’suck your energy’ and delay their personal growth. Can you relate?
There is SO much juice here. Take a moment to watch The Connection Coach Tune-Up and listen to a fantastic example of how Spirit guided me to maneuver through a situation during the intensive around compassionate detachment.
*Begin to notice the times in your life when someone around you is in a more catabolic (lower energy) state, and if you feel the desire to fix it, change it, or console them with touch.
*Get curious: Notice what is coming up in you. Consider asking yourself some questions: Why do I feel the need to rescue them right now? Is it because I am uncomfortable with it? Is it because I feel that this is my duty? Where did that belief come from? What if I don’t DO anything, and instead just listen and hold space for them? How might that serve them more? How might I actually be coddling them if I do try to fix this? Continue to ask yourself questions around the WHY and give yourself space and time to process this, even if it may be uncomfortable.
*Practice something different. Consider practicing just being there for them. Not holding them or telling them what they should do, instead provide them space to feel safe in their own processing. This can potentially help them see that ’this too shall pass’, that they CAN make it through on their own and they are not bad, they are just experiencing triggers of deep wounds inside of them, which must be addressed.
When we learn to show up in life from a more compassionately detached place, we become better friends, lovers, parent, partners and children. We establish healthier boundaries and really promote a sense of responsibility and even autonomy. There is a beautiful way to maintain balance within relationships, recognizing that yes, we are our own person AND we are also here together, to support one another and connect… and we are all on our own journey.
If you feel a little stuck around this, you are not alone. You have probably had this habit for a very, very long time. Lean in for support. Learning a new way of being take time, patience, tools, and practice. Reach out for a 15 minute consult and hear about the different offerings we have at VDA Coaching that can support you… Not fix you, not carry you up the mountain, rather support you in empowering yourself. 🙂
For if not now.. when?